October 30, 2010
Saturday, 9:00 am – 4:00 pm
Seminar Director: Dr. Debi Smith

Hosted by: Cornerstone & Placentia United Methodist Churches
2050 Valencia Avenue
Placentia, CA 92870

So check out OC Christian Counseling Media Pages now!

Do you wonder how to make them go away?

Do you wish you knew how to handle them better?

If you’re like most people who visit our website, you’re probably trying to figure out how to feel better about life – or how to get someone else to feel better.

The truth is that a lot of people just don’t “get” emotional (they don’t really understand feelings).

In this FREE 2-week eCourse, you’ll learn essential info you need to know about feelings, including …

• Why God gave us emotions
• What to do when feelings seem to take over
• Understanding the Basics: Anger, Sad, Hurt, Afraid
• The 5-Step System to Getting Your Emotional Needs Met

Just click here to register and to get instant access to Lesson One. A new Lesson will be delivered to your inbox every other day. And, of course, you can opt out at any time.

Register now! And I’ll “see” you in class.

Warmly,
Dr. Debi Smith, Director
OC Christian Counseling

Empathy is defined as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner” (Merriam-Webster).

It’s amazing how many people don’t know how to show love to others through the expression of empathy. Most of the time we get (or give) advice or tell someone their feelings aren’t valid. In short, the person who’s sharing from his or her heart is often met with a total lack of understanding.

In light of Proverbs 18:13, wouldn’t it be better to offer a listening ear when someone is sharing feelings — whether pleasant or unpleasant — with us?

He who answers before listening — that is his folly and his shame.

If we Christians did a better job of empathizing with one another’s feelings (anger, sadness, fear, hurt, joy), we wouldn’t need counselors. We could not only put the entire counseling profession out of business, we could end divorce and raise healthy kids!!

We know that sometimes life is difficult.

And you need a safe place to talk things through – a place where your faith is taken seriously.

We also know how hard it can be to ask for help. You want something to change, but you don’t know where to begin. Our counselors are here to help with the insight of professional training, the wisdom of Scripture, and the tenderness of God’s grace.

You want counseling to make a real difference in your life, so you can get on with living it. So we use proven approaches that are based on sound biblical principles and scientific research, partnering with you to find effective solutions.

Your Story Is Safe With Us

For more info, feel free to browse through this website, or “Ask About Our Services” during a free 15-minute phone consultation. Just check our Appointment Calendar for available times.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Psalm 37:3

Dr. Debi Smith

What does Christian Counseling have to do with “Safe Pasture?” In the midst of the busyness of life, in the midst of difficult times, we all look for a safe place where we can be fed and refreshed.

We’re here to encourage you in the Lord and to help you find a safe place to talk things through. Our counselors use the insight of their professional training, lean on the wisdom of Scripture, and offer the tenderness of God’s grace.

Ever wonder why God gave us Ten Commandments?

It’s not as if there aren’t more than ten good rules. In the three chapters from Romans 12 to Romans 14, I once counted something like 42 rules or commands for having a good life.

At the same time, we also know those rules can be boiled down to two: Love your neighbor as yourself and love God with everything you’ve got.

The answer is that when we have too many rules we get overwhelmed. When we have too few, the rules become so broad that it’s hard to figure what to do or not do as we go through our lives.

That’s kind of the idea of giving your kids Ground Rules.

Like the Ten Commandments, Ground Rules are the basic rules. They are not open for discussion, negotiation, or modification. When your child violates a Ground Rule, the consequence must ensue. Immediately.

How does a child know what the Ground Rules are?

Well, like Moses, you the parent come down off the mountain and declare what they are in a way that no one can miss. Maybe you won’t need scorching fire behind you or stone tablets in your hands as you walk into your child’s room, but I can tell you it couldn’t hurt. You tell your child what those rules are, and what the consequence will be, in no uncertain terms.

Normally, good parents give their kids a warning about consequences: “Johnny, if you don’t stop playing with your peas, you’re not going to get any dessert.” That’s good parenting.

Here’s an example of bad parenting: “Johnny, if you don’t stop pounding on your sister’s head, you’re going to your room.” Whether or not to stop pounding your sister’s head doesn’t require a warning. Johnny lays a finger on one lock of her raven hair and consequences are coming. Save your warnings for small and temporary rules like, oh, finishing tonight’s spelling homework before playing a video game.

For Ground Rules to work, you can’t have a lot of them. Remember, kids (especially small kids) are learning civilized behavior at the same time their learning to, oh, walk, run, chew, speak in sentences, program the Wii…that’s a lot to do! It can be tough to remember where to put your toothbrush when your fingers are still having making the toothbrush work in the first place.

Count on two Ground Rules for everyone: No violence. No defiance/disrespect of authority figures. You’ll have to spell out for little children what things are considered violent (hitting, spitting, biting, etc.) and defiance (calling parents names or blatantly yelling no). You’ll have to spell out to yourself the things that are not violence (simply throwing a ball in the house, for instance) and are not disrespect (moving too slowly when going to bed). If everything falls under a Ground Rule, then really you don’t have rules at all.

You should probably stick to around five Ground Rules. What the other three are really depends on what you can tolerate and what your child’s particular problems are. If you can’t take balls being thrown in the house, make that a Ground Rule. If your child puts food on the floor all the time, then make that a Ground Rule. But remember, once a Ground Rule is made, the consequence must be applied.

Finally, rewarding kids for good behavior is good parenting. But no one gets rewards for following Ground Rules. The Ground Rules are simply expected.

We live by grace, but God gave us a few basic rules to help train us up for it. In his wisdom, he boiled it down to just a few, and they’ve guided human behavior for century upon century. Setting up Ground Rules is a good rule to go by.

Dr. Cory Pearce

Contact info:

Dr. Cory Pearce
OC Christian Counseling
800.705.6223